Pornography and its damaging effects are running rampant through our society, for children and adults alike, and the problem is only getting worse as we spend more time on the internet across our many different devices. It’s time to fight back and work together to prevent porn exposure & addiction.
Prevent Porn Exposure & Addiction: The Statistics
As I outlined on my homepage, 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed before they turn 18 – a figure only increasing with each passing year – and 70% of those exposures are accidental, meaning they didn’t seek it out for themselves. Kids are being exposed to explicit content through ads, phishing scams, private messages, friends and peers, Hollywood media, and so many other sources.
Failure to properly address it and combat it can lead to pornography addiction and skewed understanding of relationships for an entire lifetime. Most people who struggle with pornography in their adult lives started when they were children – when their minds were very malleable and more easily enticed and affected by the content. This is my story.
Unfortunately, it’s also the story of millions of individuals raised in the internet age. Maybe this is your story too. Or maybe it’s the story your child is beginning to venture into, or the story that you’re trying to prevent your child from falling into. Regardless, I am writing this article based on my personal experience (and the experiences of many I know who have had similar struggles) to give you encouragement and advice on how to prevent/limit exposure and stop addiction to the poison of pornography.
First, a word of reassurance, and a word of warning.
Of reassurance: You are not alone. Millions of people are fighting to break free from this addiction, and millions of parents are fighting to protect their children from this danger.
Of warning: This is an extremely powerful enemy and difficult fight. With the increase in sexual content in mainstream media, billions of dollars poured into phishing scams and ads promoting pornographic websites and content, constant internet usage by many kids and adults, and the strong, natural pull of our own sexual desires (which themselves are not evil or bad), it is certainly an uphill battle that cannot be taken lightly.
My hope is that you all will begin to take action to protect yourselves and your children from pornography, being confident that the battle can be won. So, let’s get into the practical application now.
Take Action (#1) - Talk About It
Openness
I cannot emphasize enough how much of a difference it would’ve made in my life if I had felt comfortable sharing my first exposure with my parents. I have heard from many people who had very similar experiences to me, but who went to their parents with it and were able to process it and avoid falling into shame and fear and addiction. Talk with your kids about these things! Make sure they know they can and should come to you if they are exposed to explicit content, or even if they purposefully seek it out. Reinforce grace, love, and forgiveness first and foremost, because I promise you: their own conscience is providing more than enough shame, guilt, and condemnation.
Be Bold
The most important thing that I’ve learned in walking this journey myself and walking with others is that you can’t do it alone. The temptation is too strong, and you are too weak to fight it in your own power. Confess to safe people in your life – your friends, your spouse, your parents – and receive the grace, love, and support that you need and that you often probably don’t show to yourself. If that sounds scary, I promise you that a life of addiction and shame is a lot scarier (and it probably won’t be as scary or hard as you envision in your head). Bring others into the fight with you. Receive the support you need today.
I believe that one of the core reasons pornography addiction is such a major problem today is because it is shrouded in shame and secrecy. No one wants to talk about it. No one wants to confess their struggles and admit their need. It’s “taboo” and off-limits. But it doesn’t have to be! Be the bold and courageous one who brings to light the brokenness within you, and watch as others give you grace and feel comfortable to be honest themselves.
Take Action (#2) - Stop the Cycle
Exposure Prevention
As mentioned above, more than 70% of kids are seeing pornography through accidental exposure. A tragic statistic given that it can so often be prevented or minimized by taking a few important steps with your devices. Here are some key things you can do to prevent exposure to pornography:
- Set device boundaries
- Technical solutions
- Router protection
- Accountability software (see Addiction Recovery section below)
- Set screen time limits
- Delete social media accounts
- Unsubscribe or restrict streaming apps that contain explicit show
- Non-technical solution
- Create device-free family traditions
- Don’t allow devices in certain rooms (bedrooms) or at certain times (bedtime)
- Get rid of devices you don’t actually need
- Technical solutions
As durastic and difficult as it may seem to take some of these steps, the alternative could be a lot worse. No matter the cost, trust me: it is worth it!
Addiction Recovery
It’s incredibly challenging to work through the pain and challenges of your mind and heart when you are constantly giving into temptation. If your child is struggling with addiction, you can discipline or encourage them all you want, but it’s just going to be all the more difficult for them to process things if they are continually accessing explicit content. You need to do everything you can to prevent yourself and/or your loved ones from being able to access pornography during this time of healing.
Note that this is not a lifelong solution. You can’t just “hide” from pornography your whole life, and even if you could, that wouldn’t be true healing and growth. But when a mind has been so warped by pornography, and when there are so many things that trigger it to run back to that content, a lot of safeguards need to be set up to let the mind be renewed and changed before someone can be okay being around content and devices that could lead them to this content.
In addition to all of the steps mentioned in the Exposure Prevention section above, the best way to do this, in my opinion, is CovenantEyes. CovenantEyes is an Accountability Software app, built mainly to protect users from pornography access and addiction. It’s helped millions of people break free from addiction, including me!
You can click the link above and use code INTERNETSAFETY30 (website purchase only) to try CovenantEyes free for one month, no strings attached!
Take Action (#3) - Seek Professional Help
Medical and Legal
Children who have had traumatic sexual experiences, such as experiencing or witnessing sexual abuse, will likely need counseling to work through the trauma and not respond to it in a negative way. Children who were adopted or had generally traumatic or painful experiences and family dynamics are more likely to have dangerous tendencies to rebel and seek unhealthy habits.
If you are concerned at all that your children may have some trauma or other issues that you cannot work through with them on your own, you should definitely seek out a medical professional for advice and assistance.
Lanier Law Firm has a great article on social media addiction, which is often a starter and catalyst for pornography addiction. If you are interested in learning more about it and potential legal action you could take to hold tech companies accountable for you or your child’s addiction, give it a read.
Support Groups
If the addiction and pull is strong, you may need more assistance than what your loved ones are able to provide. That’s okay! It’s nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, it’s courageous and powerful to admit your weaknesses and needs. Professional counselors are there to help you understand your brain and its trauma better and to give you more tools to help you.
There are also many support groups available specifically for this battle. Pure Desire Ministries is one that provides safe accountability groups and structured, biblical teaching to help you through this battle. I personally found incredible healing through my time being a member of a Pure Desire group, and especially in the two groups I was a leader for. Whether you are a follower of Jesus or not, reach out to a group in your area (or an online group) to join with others who want to find the same freedom and healing that you are searching for.
Take Action (#4) - Don't Stop Believing
Both
There can be a lot of positives and hopeful experiences in this journey, but there can also be a lot of setbacks that can bring you down. Don’t let them! You are doing great things and taking important steps that will pay dividends, even if it doesn’t seem like it now.
“What if my kids go to college and don’t make good choices with the new freedom they have?”. Every bit of work you did while they were in your house planted seeds in them and will help them think critically and make wise choices for the rest of their lives (even if they don’t always make the best choices).
“What if I fall back in and watch pornography every day for a week?” That doesn’t cancel out the progress you’ve made.
Setbacks are to be expected, but they should never cause you to lose hope.
Anything worth fighting for takes effort and faces setbacks and challenges. I promise you that this is worth fighting for. Continue to persevere, continue to work through these action steps, and you will see positive results by God’s grace. Just take a look at My Story for evidence of that.
If you have more questions or want to discuss this more, reach out to me today and let’s get connected.
